JD’s Personal POP5 (If you’re sensitive, look away!)

This here isn’t a PopTards Pop5 list. This here is just MINE. I wouldn’t expect any of the other Tards in the stable to weigh in on this, so I’m just going solo on this one. However, if anyone has any questions, additions or subtractions, leave it in the comments below!!

JD’s List of Pop5 Cable Programs Used to Help Instigate Relations with Myself (when I was a kid). Remember, the internet wasn’t even AROUND yet!

#5. Porn channels that we weren’t actually paying for.
Any kid who had cable, but not an abundance of access to the naked form for pleasure’s sake knows what I’m talking about here. So at a certain point, whilst flipping through the channels, they start to just be really fuzzy, wobbly shapes and sounds. Then, if you went far enough, you’d start to notice very familiar fuzzy, wobbly shapes and sounds. Is that…a butt? Maybe? Or is that a woman’s breast? I’m a young male. Does it matter? NOPE. I hear moaning and moving shapes that COULD be sex, and it’s GO-TIME!

#4. MTV’s The Grind.
So this show…was a show created solely for young teenagers to abuse themselves to. It’s a show where really scantily-clad girls (and guys, I guess…I don’t really remember any guys) dancing to really loud music. That’s it. Dancing girls. In hardly any clothes. I especially remember the ones that were filmed during Spring Break or whatever and took place on a beach, or in pools. All sexy like and what-nots.

# 3. Music Videos.
I wasn’t really allowed to have MTV when I was a kid. I wasn’t allowed to watch it ever, once we got the almighty Cable Television. Ridiculous, I cried! They’re just music videos!  What could possibly be terrible about them? Well, they were basically porn. Thank you Paula Abdul’s COLD-HEARTED SNAKE.

#2. “Skinamax”
So there was a cable channel which was just like HBO or Showtime, or whatever..but it was called CineMax. After a certain time of night..9pm or 10pm or so…they would show only erotic dramas, or adult comedies. Now, while they never showed penetration or actual netherbits or anything there were tons of ladybreasteses and simulated sex. You know the ones, where there’s always extended shots of the dudes face in close-up, making terrible terrible “sexy” expressions, which usually looked more like sweaty, tan beef jerky taking a dump. Terrible stuff, but really, whaddaya gonna do? Get out the tissues, obviously.

#1. Porn.
Well, obviously. Come on! At some point, very rarely…I would find myself staying over a friend’s house who’s parents actually paid for one of the saucy PAID CHANNELS. And it was glorious!

It’s a terrible POP5, to be sure, but let me know if I left anything out, or you have no idea what I’m talking about and was just a total perv.

When not hosting the PopTards Podcast, fist-bumping his nethers, discussing movies, comics and other flimflam here, JD is graphically designing/illustrating/inking for a living, hanging with the @$$holes over at www.aintitcoolnews.com and Booking his Face off over here.

Posted in : Pop Culture, Pop5, TV
Tags: , , , , , , ,

2 Comments to “JD’s Personal POP5 (If you’re sensitive, look away!)”

Add Comments (+)

  1. Haha, I remember when I got a 3.5″ floppy disk with 6 pictures of naked women. It was amazing. I would bring it to school and would show all my friends while in computer class and quickly (30 seconds was quick back then) close it before the teacher got to our computers. It was priceless. Nice POP 5 JD!

  2. Alana:) says:

    Believe it or not this inspired me to do my own top 5…non pr0n though.

Leave a Reply