Jenn Tyre reviews Twilight: Eclipse!

I don’t want to rag on the Twilight series because they are only showing what Stephanie Meyer’s created, and to me, she is the true villain.

I have read the series out of curiosity so seeing the films weren’t that confusing to me. I know exactly why these films have raked in over a billion dollars, because they were written and filmed with the exact audience in mind…. Teenage girls. This wasn’t about creating the most kick-ass vampires of this century, let’s leave that to True Blood. This was about every little girl’s fantasy, which is to find someone who is forever eternally devoted to you. 16-year-old girls don’t want to hold their vamps in the sun and watch the flesh melt off their rotting corpse as they explode into flames. No they want them to sparkle in their arms as they hold them close.

Ok, Ok, back to the flick.

It pains me to say this but Eclipse was a vast improvement over the first two films. In the first film the special effects looked like they were created by an after school program at the YMCA. At least in this film, when we get a fight scene, it looks like a bunch of high school students created it in their film studies class. I am hoping that in the next installment we can at least reach college level film work.

The acting is still atrocious but you can tell they are learning. I mean I don’t really blame the three amigos, an actor can only produce what they can from a shoddy script. Let’s also keep in mind that the most acting any of these three have done would equal to one Hannah Montana episode.

This time around the main focus is the love triangle our 3 characters are struggling with. As always Edward is like Bella, as if they were one. Forever pouting and staring intensely into her eyes, he continues to give the same speech about how she is his world and how he roamed the earth for centuries to find her. Jacob, played by the obviously steroid-induced Taylor Lautner, is the sweet werewolf who can give her what she needs, give her stability and keep her human.

So what is it people?

Do we go with the unpredictable vampire?

Cons: The whole dead thing. Never see the family again. Insatiable urge for blood. Also keep in mind that you REALLY need to make sure this isn’t just a schoolgirl crush because once you go vamp you never go back.

Pros: You will look really pretty in the sunlight . You will always have a guy around you who is constantly undressing you with his eyes. Seriously this dude would DIE to protect you…if he wasn’t already dead.

Or the Wolf…

Pros: Yay! You get to stay alive! You will always be close to your family! Are married to a wolf so that’s ultimate protection right there.

Cons: That pesky all-male wolf pack that never seems to go away. Your husband keeps you safe but bores the ever-loving crap out of you so that you count down the days until you die.

It’s a tough decision for our heroine, but ultimately she knows that her nether-regions gravitate more towards Count Sparkles. The rest of the film is a battle over her wanting to be changed, Edward not wanting to change her, her wanting some hot vampire love, Edward wanting to wait until marriage. It really is a common struggle most kids from high school go through. I almost feel bad for the rest of the cast because even when they try and include story lines for others; it almost always goes back to the love story. That is what it is all about, and the reason movies like this will go on. As long as there continues to be teenage girls in the world, a new Team Edward or Team Jacob will be created.

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