PopTards Games: Video Game Roundup


Games in my sights this week!

I feel I need to start today talking about 3D Dot Game Heroes.  I don’t normally like to pass judgment on a game before playing it through all the way at least once, but I feel this game is cause for exception.  I can describe it in one word:  HOLYMOTHEROFFARKINGALLTHATISHOLYILOVETHISGAME!!!!1.  Notice the use of the 1 on the end, to imply I’m so confident in that response that I no longer felt the need to hold the shift down, or the need to return my cursor to fix it.  Now, before I run out and get the “3D” artwork permanently fixed to my body, let me share some early thoughts of why I love this game.

I love the Zelda series.  Therefore, I love 3D Dot Game Heroes.

I’ve been looking forward to this game for some time now, and I knew the only way I would not enjoy it would be if they messed up making a Zelda clone.  That is exactly what this game is and it makes no apologies for it.  I think Dueling Analogs said it best with the May 6th comic.

Currently I’ve logged about 5 hours or so in the game and have loved every minute.  You start off by choosing you’re hero, of which you are given 62 options, and supplying them with a name.  There is a character creator, set up very similar to the gummy ship creator from Kingdom hearts, but I didn’t have time to get to that so I choose the most logical hero choice for me, a shark.  Yes, you can play as a shark.  Where does the sword come from?  Why it’s mouth of course.  Duh.  So I began the adventure with the shark named “My Balls”, because I’m a child and feel the need to exploit the naming aspect of games. The game plays just like the original Zelda game, just in 3D.  The game has some great dry wit and really well done visuals.  I’m going to hold off on final judgment until I get some more time with it.

Next on the old chopping block is Disney Interactive’s Split/Second, due out early next week.  I know what you’re thinking “pfft, a Disney game…F*&K…THAT”.  Well, shame on you, you kiss your mother with that….that…brain.  I had a chance to preview this game last year at PAX and have logged some time with the demo.  I have to say I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it.  The game is the bastard offspring of Gran Turismo and Burnout.  Driving fast and blowing stuff up, yes please!  If you enjoy either and/or have a pulse, I highly recommend grabbing the demo.

Super Mario Galaxy 2 is due out on the 25th and thank god.  I have so many questions left unanswered from the first one.  Will the subplot between Mario and Luigi finally be addressed?  Will Princess Peach stay off smack?  Will Bowser win custody of the kids?

Wait, oh, sorry, that was from my fan-fic story.

The next installment in the Galaxy line will probably not skew too far from the first, and is the first true Mario sequel in some time.  I thoroughly enjoyed Mario Galaxy; despite it putting the phrase “Nintendo hard” back in my vernacular and costing me a Wii-mote.  The incident of sodomizing the Mario statue with a Wii sensor bar at Nintendo World store is behind me.  After a few years away and court ordered anger management classes, I’m ready for round 2.  In my defense, those kids at Nintendo World didn’t see anything they wouldn’t have seen on Oz.

A little further on the horizon is Alpha Protocol from Obsidian. I have both good and bad feelings about this game.  On the one hand, it’s described (right in the title) as The Espionage RPG.  I love RPG’s, but you already knew that.  I also love games that help me live out my spy fantasies.  Perhaps I watched Cloak & Dagger too many times as a child.  The movie seriously needs a reboot.  OOOOHHH, and Condorman, they should remake that, but this time, get an actor, not an opera singer.  Ok, I’m back.  My concern about this game is that it will be like most spy games.  It will abandon all espionage and spy traits in order to have the big shoot out at the end.  Also, this being an Obsidian game, the U.S. will undoubtedly be the flawless good guy.  The other near guarantee is that the voice acting will be good, but dryer then a piece of bread in the dessert.  Time will tell.

Portal is free from steam until May 24th.  I don’t feel a need to say anymore, go get it, NOW!

That’s all I have for now, next week I’ll be discussing my time spent playing the Halo Reach beta (and all the wonderful and obscenity ridden things that come with it) as well as a deeper dive into 3D Dot Game Heroes.


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3 Comments to “PopTards Games: Video Game Roundup”

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  1. My kingdom for an enjoyable game. | Pop Tards Go

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