Halloween Horror Countdown:30:Calvaire

Stephen King’s Misery meets Deliverance. This is what I was promised going into Calvaire (or The Ordeal in English), and this is what I got. A totally creepy horror/thriller that just gets creepier and creepier, amping up the suspense until……well, until it …ends.

It just…ends. Phhhut. Over. Done. WHAT THE HELL?

Our innocent protagonist Marc Stevens is a traveling singer whose van breaks down and stays at the charmingly pleasant Bartel’s Inn. Then things start getting ugly.

I was really enjoying this until the film decided it was too tired to go on and just through up its credits in disgust and left me there all unsatisfied. I could go on about how unsettling the charming Bartel is, and the pig-shagging, and the crucifying and what-not…but what would be the point? That would make you want to see the film, only to be let down by the ending like I was. This movie comes to no resolution, and that annoyed the isht outta me. If you really wanna see the first 3/4, go for it. In fact, yeah. Watch the movie until you decide you don’t need to see anymore and then just shut it off. That’s all you’ll get at the end anyway…

I hate to do this, since most of the film gets at least a 3 outta 5 toasters, but overall, I gotta say:

When not hosting the PopTards Podcast, fist-bumping his nethers, discussing movies, comics and other flimflam here, JD is graphically designing/illustrating/inking for a living, hanging with the @$$holes over at www.aintitcoolnews.com and Booking his Face off over here.

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